Koh Chang to Koh Kut back to Koh Chang

Koh Chang was our final bash at Thailand. Or, Koh Chng was it's final bash at me. Arriving via bus, ferry then tuk tuk. Lonely beach was our chosen destination. Lonely it was not. Infinity pool on the beach? Very cool! The bungalow that Catherine chose was better than the one she was shown. How bad was the one that she was shown? The stairs were broken & missing. Andre The Giant would have struggled making the leap from step one to two. Soon realising it was easier to climb the disgusting mattress that was perched against the bungalow to the balcony floor. Only to have the manky mattress removed the following day. Inside was no better. Part of the wall was missing! The section of wall must have looked around and thought - screw this I am off to a better bungalow. The worst beach bungalow I have ever rented. Our new friends Gizzy (Geoff & Lizzy) along with Catherine thought it was fine. Obviously.

We met Gizzy in BKK that morning. Instantly noticing Geoff's severely swollen foot I felt better about all of my niggling injuries. Transpires that Geoff is a farmer. While jumping from his tractor he possibly re damaged an old ligament problem. We enjoyed some ferry beers and booked into the same shit hole. The following day we chilled out in the infinity pool went out & never really went home. Meeting up with Gizzy. Buckets followed by more buckets. The night grew very very late, or early whatever. The club closed & I don't know who suggested it but we packed our bags & followed Gizzy to Koh Kut. They had tickets for a speed boat. Cocky and drunk I insisted we didn't need them & would simply pay on the 'door'. It worked out well. Like James Bond making a quick exit on a speed boat. Another good spur of the moment decision. We had already paid for a third night in Koh Chang. We didn't even check out! We gave the room key to the speed boat people.

Koh Kut is a neighbouring secluded island. Unfortunately we arrived when the secluded island was quite the opposite. The entire island's accommodation was fully booked. We couldn't even get a ride on a tuk tuk. Thai's equivalent of a bank holiday or something. Blistering heat. Hangovers begin to kick in. Trying to hitch a ride into town on the side of the road. Then, from out of nowhere appears a guy from Leeds & his mate who both work in a nearby diving tour operator. Within half an hour accommodation was sorted. And all for £4 per night. Leeds rules. Now the down points of this £4 per night accommodation - Stifling hot room, rock solid mattress (on the floor) & shared bathroom. It was kind of like a home stay. Like the ones we occupied in India. At times it seemed like seven generations of this same family lived here. The James Bond feel soon left when I was showering from a bucket. The "bathroom" was a room with holes. More holes than Swiss cheese. Of which, the Thai family may or may not have used in place of a television.

The weather took a turn for the worse that night. It rained & it rained. This place we were staying at, had like a camp site of sorts. Grass. We met a German dude who had stayed in this bloody camp site for two months. Two months! How laid back do you have to be to do that!? Rain slightly calming down we headed to the beach. It was a very pleasant beach. Hardly anyone around. In fact, there was hardly anyone around anywhere. How was all the accommodation fully booked? 

We caught the speed boat back to Koh Chang. The ride was.... interesting. Two broads puking their guts out. The damn boat breaking down. Rescue boat wasn't too far away with the required fuel. Strange eh? Boats need fuel. Jackasses. 

Another speed boat coming to our rescue. Thank god. If that girl pukes any more I am kicking her ass over board. 

After many nights in less than comfortable beds we needed some luxury. Like, a matress and a bed, private bathroom. That sort of thing. Not staying on lonely beach this time round. Residing in Kai Bae. Cat found a place which was £17 per night. Next to the elephant sanctuary. Stinking of elephant shit & not available for another hour while they cleaned the room. Obviously we stayed a couple of hundred meters away. The room was £26 per night. Soft bed. Huge room. A/C. Happy face.

Showered. Comfortable. The fuzzy TV arial didn't stop me from watching Tim Burton's Batman. Batman Returns & half of Batman Forever. The overacting of Jim Carey forced me out of the room in search of food. I found this gruby looking food cart selling Thailand's greatest, tastiest, spiciest, nuttiest papaya salad. In a bag. which was then placed into another bag, Eco friendly. It was exceptional. The best Papaya salad I have ever had.

Dessert was a banana pancake. These things are everywhere in Thailand. They dont usually call them pancakes though. Rotis is usually the name.

The next day with my trusty list I took my Thai boxing shorts to a street side tailor. My arse has been on show long enough. Bought bus tickets to Cambodia. Fruit & water. Beach time. Oh yeah, look at that. Elephants in the sea. Russian tourists with their grabbing hands, climbing & such. I wasn't impressed. The elephants did appear to enjoy the cool sea water. But they also moved their trunks away & out of those clasping mits of tourists. When people climbed on their backs they would lay in the water to gently shrug them off. These animals are being exploited. And until people stop paying for these types of tours it will not end. Rant thoroughly over. Day at the beach was cool.

That night I returned twice to collect my shorts. I also gave him my Sabbath top. As Geoff put it "its seen better days". The first time (at the agreed upon time) they were not ready. On my second visit he was nowhere to be seen. My shorts were stitched but Sabbath wasn't. I grabbed a beer from 7 eleven & waited 20 minutes for him. No show. Grabbed my stuff & went. Strange business model. Last night in Thailand drinks started in the smallest bar in the entire world! Our time in Thailand was over. We really have seen the country. We have seen it at its best, worst & somewhere in the middle. We have loved it. Visited countless places. Thailand has around 1430 islands. We have seen our fair share.

"Time to say goodbye. Places that I've never seen or experienced with you. Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas, seas that exist no more, it's time to say goodbye"